Carrie Underwood tearfully reflected on her American Idol victory 20 years ago.

Underwood watched the moment longtime Idol host Ryan Seacrest crowned the Oklahoma-born country singer the champion of the show’s fifth season in 2005. Underwood made it to the finale with Bo Bice that year. She relived the life-changing moment as part of the Idol To Icon online series in a new episode that premiered on Thursday (May 29). Underwood shared what she remembered as she relived moments from her 2005 Idol journey throughout the most recent season, which she joined as a judge for the first time.

“I feel like I’m watching someone else right now. It’s still very surreal,” she said as she watched her finale performance of “Inside Your Heaven.” “I’m trying not to cry. …I was so scared of the pyro. We did so many rehearsals and they talked to us so much about all the pyro that would happen. They’re like, ‘get to the front of the stage. Don’t wear hairspray.’”

Underwood noticed the “giant crowd” in the venue, and spotlighted the sweet moment she shared on stage with her mom after she won the show. The eight-time Grammy winner dabbed tears from her eyes after reliving that moment, and emotionally spoke about how the show changed her life.

“I think about my — I’m getting emotional — I think about my journey on American Idol all the time because it’s so grand. It’s so — it’s unbelievable,” Underwood said. “If somebody were to explain to me, if I’d never seen American Idol before, and then somebody were to explain to me my journey, you know, in their words, I would have been like, ‘that’s impossible. What are you even saying?’ To go from somebody who was, you know, going to school trying to figure out what she wanted to do with the rest of her life, and just kind of on a whim to go try out for American Idol …it just sounds insane. And it sounds insane to me when I think about it because if I hadn’t made that one decision in my life, my life would be completely different. …It’s pretty incredible just to see all of the people that have managed to have success after being on this show. It’s a cool legacy to be a part of.”

Underwood went on to read excerpts from her journal that she kept while she competed on American Idol. She remembered the “jam-packed” week leading up to the finale, moments that made “a couple seconds (feel) like an eternity” (including when Seacrest paused before revealing the 2005 finale results), reflected on how she’s grown as a judge and more throughout the Idol To Icon episode.

“It has been an incredible 20 years,” Underwood said. “It’s the ultimate Cinderella story, and I love that. We all love that. We love to see people evolve in front of our eyes. …This show made the impossible possible.”