Why This Iconic Country Star Cried Herself to Sleep After American Country Music Awards Loss

Kelsea Ballerini is proving its okay to be vulnerable.

Kelsea Ballerini: All the Big Questions Asked & Answered | Holler

In a new interview with Elle published Wednesday, October 8, the 32-year-old reflected on her May awards season disappointment and how she’s redefined her relationship with success. “I wish I had a good answer for this, or I’d probably sleep a little better at night,” she admitted when asked why she thought she lost. “I had seven [No. 1 hits], and then one day, I just didn’t anymore. I still put in the work, and I still show up and put out songs that are undeniably country to the radio, and it’s just different now, and that’s OK.”

Despite the setback, Ballerini made it clear that she isn’t giving up. “I’m not gonna stop making music,” she said. “So, I think it’s just about shifting where I find success… I’ve never really been an award show girlie. I love going and I love performing, and I really let it affect me for a long time. And now I just go, ‘You know what? I’m happy to be in the conversation. I know that I have value here, and this is not where I find my success.’”

But the singer admits it still stings. “I did cry myself to sleep that night, that is true,” she confessed. “So, I say this, but I need to be honest with you.”

Ballerini, who attended the ACMs with then-boyfriend actor Chase Stokes, was nominated for Entertainer of the Year, Female Artist of the Year, and Music Event of the Year but lost all three categories to Lainey Wilson and Ella Langley.

Word of Ballerini’s split from Stokes made headlines on September 14 after nearly three years together. “They’re two adults who gave it their all and tried to do everything they could to make it work, but ultimately couldn’t. It happens,” her rep told People. Following the breakup, Ballerini wiped her Instagram of any photos or mentions of Stokes and has yet to post anything new. Stokes, however, has kept photos of the singer on his page — including a birthday tribute he shared just days before their split, writing, “Although you keep saying you’re not excited for 32, I’d say I’m lookin forward to more of this. Happy birthday my love.”